This is where it gets good......

So, all of this theory and general unfocused love for strangers is well and good and basically a pretty good, easy start. Then comes your family. "Oh crap" you say, "they drive me crazy".

That is why all of the 'stranger love' is good practice -to lead up to the true challenge of loving and accepting the people closest to you.

Have you read "The Four Agreements"? It's a simple and great book about agreements to make with yourself to improve your own life. It's actually wonderful. At any rate, one of the agreements is " Agree not to take anything personally". Seems to me that this is, hands down, the hardest thing to do in any relationship.

To stop taking things personally is to remove ones' ego from the center of its 'micro-verse'. Everytime someone takes something personally one assumes that THEY are the only (or at least the MOST IMPORTANT) catalyst for anyone to do anything. The point is that one is constantly validating themselves as the center of creation everytime someone interacts with them. So every interaction is widening the division between oneself and everything that is assumed to be happening around them.

In a small way, this assumption is actually correct. Unfortunately, like a small child, the ego grabs onto it tight and won't let go. Many Buddhist teachings talk about the perception of reality as an expression of one's inner landscape ( talk about paraphrasing!). Sounds very esoteric but I am convinced that it is completely true.

I will never forget when I was in high school and was driving in a different part of town than I had even been before. I was looking for a store called "Penny Lane Records". When I drove past a center that I thought for sure would contain it, I saw a white sign with green lettering. This sign clearly said "PennyLane Records". When I turned around, and looked again, it was a sign for a laundrymat! I was so ready to find what I was looking for that I twisted the letters on that sign around in my mind to be what I expected.

When I first started saying " Honey, I love you" to my husband instead of "Ughhhhh!", I must admit it felt more than a bit trite. It still feels that way, but oddly he has never reacted to it like that. It has effectively cut the momentum of irritation. What a great tool!